Wrong Turn?

I don't know where I went wrong on this road. But I've been lost for a long time, I'm not even sure I'd recognize the right way if I was on it. I can only assume that only some roads lead to where I want to go, and that others have found their way down them somehow. So why can't I? What did I do wrong. I thought for years I was following all those key steps, but clearly I missed some along the way. Those paths that I was too scared to tread, or didn't seem all that important, turned out to be the ones I should have taken. But maybe those would have lead to someplace worse. Maybe I'd be even more lost had I gone another way. How the hell do I get where I'm trying to go when I've somehow strayed what seems like thousands of miles off the track? I can't resign myself to making the best of where I am, because I just might have to kill myself then. Some days I think maybe I'm not too old to still make it to where I want to be, but other days it seems hopelessly impossible. It all just seems so complicated, it all just seems so hard.

I was going to post this on an LJ community, but I couldn't work the prompt phrase in without it being forced. But it felt good to rant a little, so here it is, I'll just put it here. Cause I haven't in a while. I feel like I only come here now when I'm frustrated, and don't post regularly cause there isn't enough happening in my life... though I guess I could have spent the past weeks talking about my car issues. I'm now terrified every time I get in the car that it'll decide to not start, or worse, decide to stop 'going' while it's 'going. It sucks. Anyway... maybe I'll make a happier post someday.