Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Confusion

I wish I knew how to make this work. To get where I want, to be where I want. And without feeling like I'm making my cat sick or something. It's easy to settle back in with them. But that's why I want them to be happy. But I want to be happy too. In an ideal world, we'd all just up and move to LA and this whole thing would be easier. Not easy, but easier. I just don't know what to do. How to get those things I want without causing pain to those I care about, including my cats.

Driving around today, running errands and all that, I felt just out of it. The joy of the day has come from laughing at TV shows, being with my cats, and hanging around online. But I need a real joy and purpose in my life. Because those things are just kind of enough to keep me from just killing myself. But they don't make me feel actually happy in my life.

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