Graduated!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*LOL*

Yeah, so I'm now a college graduate. I have a degree in communications. And now I have no idea what I'm doing... the chaos of what comes next... but, hopefully I'll have some fun too. I'm trying not to let myself get too stressed about all the what happens now stuff... If I dwell on it all too long, it'll probably drive me nuts... :p

So anyway, had a really crazy and fun weekend that started with graduation and ended well... whenever I got home, around 5:30pm ish this afternoon...

so, this is a short one I guess... just felt the need to update, for the sake of updating... *heh*

Been a while

Yeah, so I've been really bad about posting again, cause I guess I've just been destracted by real life going on. Kind of mentally consumed lately by college ending and chaos of summer impending etc... Have made a few attempts at getting to know a few of the people I found to be interesting better, not sure how much success I can say I've had. Pretty limited I think, but perhaps there will be a couple people whom I won't completely lose touch with, such as the two people who've actually invited me to things at the end of this semester.

It's all still pretty surreal... I have one final left tomorrow morning, but I'm not overly conserned about it. It's my Dino class and the exam is multiple "guess". *L* And if I figured properly, I could blow off the final entirely, take a Zero on it and still get a C+ in the class. So I figure even if I don't study, I ought to at least pull off a B in the class. It's really just those last two units I need to graduate... filler units... :p

So I graduate on Saturday, how weird is that? I'm sure it won't really hit me until I'm actually standing there in the cap and gown and looking around at all the other people dressed the same... weirdness... anyway...

End of one Road

So, my internship is pretty much over, tonight was the last show. There was a party after. Some people slipped out without saying goodbye... and I never did manage to actually say to anyone point blank, 'hey, we should hang out sometime soon'. So now I can't help but think that they for the most part, are kinda gone from my life now, and that's depressing. I'm really going to miss the internship and all the cool people who were a part of it.

If only I were a little bit bolder, little bit stronger, little bit more something... I guess now I can only hope that maybe in the next few weeks I'll at least run into some of them still at school, and maybe can have one last conversation with them. I nearly cried a few times, but kept it back... but now I'm sad... and I'm longing for class tomorrow where i might get some chances at socializing... and where there's couple other people who I should perhaps take a risk on trying to be friends with, invite them out to do something fun or something... but knowing my nerve... and my luck... it'll never happen... self defeatest... sucks...

Without a net

So, after the end of May, I will be flying without a net. No plans, no constants, just chaotic, terrifying free fall... I'm running out of time where I have any kind of ties to something, and possibly to sanity. I'm pulling through for the moment, but when left alone with my thoughts for too long without destraction I go into a near panic, worrying about what will become of me, of my life, where I'll be, what I'll do, how I'll make it, how I'll survive in the 'real world' as they call it. And if I'll ever be secure, if I'll ever make any new friends that will surive the time and space that will follow school. I don't want to just let go of all these people who maybe could be friends... but I'm so afraid to do anything, to just put myself out there and say what I feel, to express that I want to know them better than I do... that I don't want to just be passing classmates... because they seem cool... I'm fucking terrified, and I'm just trying to ward off the tears... I think I've been laughing more to avoid crying, but usually that only lasts for so long...