Without a net

So, after the end of May, I will be flying without a net. No plans, no constants, just chaotic, terrifying free fall... I'm running out of time where I have any kind of ties to something, and possibly to sanity. I'm pulling through for the moment, but when left alone with my thoughts for too long without destraction I go into a near panic, worrying about what will become of me, of my life, where I'll be, what I'll do, how I'll make it, how I'll survive in the 'real world' as they call it. And if I'll ever be secure, if I'll ever make any new friends that will surive the time and space that will follow school. I don't want to just let go of all these people who maybe could be friends... but I'm so afraid to do anything, to just put myself out there and say what I feel, to express that I want to know them better than I do... that I don't want to just be passing classmates... because they seem cool... I'm fucking terrified, and I'm just trying to ward off the tears... I think I've been laughing more to avoid crying, but usually that only lasts for so long...