The End of April

Well, so it's the last day of April. Which, if my friend is reading this, Happy Birthday Apryl. :)

Anyway, so, I'm definatly in some kind of freak out, stressed out, melt down, kind of mode. One month left of school, that's it. I can't believe it. I'm feeling so lost and scared. I mean, yeah I'm excited too, and yes, it really is about time... I was kind of okay at school today... kind of... but now, sitting facing another weekend locked away in my house, save for maybe a trip to the video store... I'm getting depressed... and it doesn't help that my new comp doesn't seem to want to export the video I edited back to my camera. It just stops moving at 25%. Doesn't raise my confidence for when my real editing system comes. Which will be who knows when, it's apparently all back ordered. Seriously, nothing this semester has happened the way I'd wanted or hoped. I can already see all the regrets piling up behind me. And with nothing to look forward to beyond graduation day, all I can do is look back at all the things I should of, could have...

This just sucks... I need some kind of comfort... I need a friend... and people online are nice, there's at least a couple people there I can turn to, but it's just not the same as talking to someone face to face, or even at least hearing a familiar voice on the phone. But I really don't have anyone accessable right now. Apryl is half a world away in England, and Andrea is a few weeks from graduation herself from nursing school and she's virtually impossible to get a hold of these days. And beyond the two of them, there's no one else I feel close enough to to turn to when troubled. The few friends I have from school are kind of 'casual'. And I'm not sure I can trouble them with my stupid issues. Besides, most of them are pretty busy too. I want something to look forward to after graduation, I want people to talk to. I want to feel like I got more than a diploma and a pile of regret from college.

I know, I'm just saying the same shit over and over... but it's what's been weighing heavily on my mind these days. So, Mr. Blogger, you getting sick of listening to my crap yet? *heh*