Well, my mood has definatly crashed again... started a couple days ago, and has just kind of floated in this funk. Didn't help that today the sun was like no where to be seen... not that I even stepped outside my front door... nor yesterday... haven't been out of my PJs since like before noon on Thursday, except to take a couple showers and get into clean PJs. Made myself a new mix CD of a lot of those songs where I really like one or two on an album, and don't really listen to the rest of the CD much... mostly... been listening to it for a few hours now... just repeating...
I was supposed to go out tonight and go see a band at this club that I haven't been to see since last summer, and it was gonna be really cool cause my birthday was this week... so it was going to be almost like getting to do something fun around my birthday, which I haven't done in some time... but, well, apparently it was not to be... my friend got sick... I made a desperate attempt to phone a couple other friends in hopes of doing something, anything fun tonight,... but that was not to be either it would seem... since it's now after 1:30 am, and the night is pretty much over now... oh well, I suppose... that's just how it is... my birthday just isn't something to be celebrated anymore anyway... so it's probably for the best...
So, I've spent the day on and off sleeping, feeling depressed, and occationally letting slip a few tears... actually that's how I've spent the last 3 days... and probably what I'll be doing for the next two days also... Tuesday maybe I'll get out to my internship, just to break the cycle... spend a few hours behind the computer at school, cutting up video clips, and prepping them for being burned to DVDs... that's about the highlight of my life right now... the notion of going down to the school to do that... it means there's a chance I'll bump into other people who aren't my family, and perhaps by then the sun will return also... I don't know what's with these grey days, but they are really getting to me...
One of the saddest songs I think I've ever heard just started playing... even in a good mood it makes me want to cry... Sarah McLachlan's "Full of Grace"... perhaps the feeling is helped by the scene it played over in the season two closer of Buffy, but it's just so sad...
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