I've discovered a pattern with me and guys who I'm interested in and who seem to for a brief time be interested in me... it's brief that they are interested. Wonderland guy is over it... he's not interested anymore...
And so I'm again recalling my thoughts from about 7 months ago, when the guy from my summer Hawaii class became just another guy I'd liked who I never had a shot in hell at. Fate just never meant me to have a relationship with a guy... it's just not meant to ever happen... maybe it's just fate's way of sparing all the guys out there of the mess that's me... or spareing them and me from the harsh reality, that I'm probably not cut out for love, and relationships anyway... I'd probably be horrible at it anyway... cause I'm not that good at most things... I'm not even good at being a person...
It seems that no matter what, or what kind of guy the guy is, once I show any interest in them, their interest in me vanishes within a few weeks. It's just an inevitable fact of me... and one I perhaps just need to fucking learn to accept and get over it. Just stop even hoping for that vague blue moon's chance in hell that I'll ever make that kind of connection with anyone, ever. Hell, my aunt as far as I know never married, or if she did it never lasted long, nor have any other men in her life, but she seems to be a fairly successful person, who spends her free time reading and hanging at the beach when she can, and stuff like that... just sucks when you realize at 26 that you'll never have what so many others have, love... especially when it seems to be something that truly makes people happier...
But then, maybe I honestly realized at about 14 years old, that I'm just not supposed to be a happy person... I'm just not...
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