Had a little moment today... just me, the car, the road, the music, and the setting sun. I guess after several days of dark, dark grey the sun glowing bright oranges and reds as it droped toward the horizon and I drove along the backroad with the music blaring... flipped the CD to the track I was feeling from that sunset. Listening to Maren Ord's "Beautiful". It was a good moment.
Now, I just feel a little tired, and out of it... got home and the good moment died. Got online, did my regularly scheduled chat, and started thinking about people... about how few people actually contact me... be it people I know face to face in RL, or people who I only know online... very few of them actually bother to contact me... I'm always the one to have to message or phone them. It's been like that since forever... since like junior high. And seeing how many real friends I came out of high school with... well, let's say there were only about 2 or 3 people who ever bothered to phone me, and they were the only ones who I kept much contact with following high school. And then one of them ceased calling a few years ago. I of course tried calling her a few more times for about a year without ever getting a hold of her and finally gave up. And she became yet another person whom I lost to the winds of time. Drifted out of my life. And since... the only two people to have not truly drifted away are those same two remaining friends from high school... the two who did, and still bother to call/email/message somehow contact at least occationally. And online there's only 2 or 3 who really contact me first sometimes... otherwise, I'm always the one to message first... I'm not sure what that says about me... but it doesn't always fill me with a lot of confidence. I end up feeling like I'm just bugging those people who never message me when I message them....
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