non sensical meanderings of a crazy chick

I don't know why I just can't be content being alone... it seems to be how I was ment to be... why do I still feel the need to connect with other people, it'd be simpler, happier if I could just all the time love being locked away in my room... but no, online again, no one talking to me again, and feeling kind of sucky again... I swear there were times at least for a few weeks at a time where this was just fine... where I was almost content and happy being by myself... I'm sure there will again, but sucks till then... and then I'll just be waiting around again for the next time I don't... it's a sick cycle... seems like everything just spins on this sick cycle... coming around and around again... never can quite get away from anything... it all always comes back at you... good and bad... feelings, situations... eh... I don't know that I'm making any sense right now... mind is kind of numbing out... but maybe that's good... maybe not... I don't seem to recall enjoying the last time I went numb... but it does always come around again... so I suppose it's just another step on the road... maybe numbness is the gateway to at least some temporary contentment...