Okay, so here's my new little debate of the day... what's better... being open to the world of hurt out there, to all the things other people can do to fuck with your mind, and brutalize your spirit, in the hopes of having some connection with others, and finding like joy and love and all that stuff... or being closed off from the world and just dealing with all the internal demons and voices, and just knowing that no one is hurting you but yourself...
So, hurt from others, or self inflicted wounds... I'm not sure what's better, what would hurt less... I feel like I've had a lot of both, and neither is very pleasant. I don't like being back stabed, or cast off by people I thought I could trust, who I cared for. But I also don't really enjoy what my own mind is capable of doing to me. However, if my mind is going to do it anyway, and it will further brutalize me after someone else has hurt me... so maybe it's not a one or another... but a situation of the internal battle and beating is going to happen regardless... so do I want to be open to external hurt also, hopeing that some external joy will subdue or soothe some of the internal brusing.
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